Lost
by sassie69
Summary: This is an AU Josh and Sam story. I should give a SLASH warning, however mild in an established m/m relationship. Josh has been found having been missing for 2 years. If you want to know where he was, read on...


Lost

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine.

Rating: K+ - M

Genre: AU/SLASH/ROMANCE/ANGST/DRAMA

Spoilers: None

This is an AU fic set in the last year of the Bartlet Administration with flash-backs over the previous 2 years.

It's my favourite au fic couple – Josh and Sam. There is some m/m sex in this but that's for the loving not the porn!

Apologies:

My geography sucks so all place names other than DC & New Hampshire are fictitious. .

The US legal system I have only seen on TV so apologies for that as well!

Timeline is a little skewed, but this is au.

"Mr Lyman, Josh, you can't appear this confused when you take the stand. You have to be clear about what was said and done."

Josh looked up from examining his hands that were clasped in his lap, "I _am_ confused," standing now; he ran his hand through his hair which was slightly longer now that the crew cut was growing out, he shouted "I _AM_ CONFUSED. I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHO I AM ANYMORE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" He stormed out of the lawyer's office opening the door with such force it slammed back against the wall. Those left in the room stared at each other.

"I'll go get him." Sam Seaborn held up his hand to Laurence Frost, the lawyer who had been speaking to Josh, and had been about to follow him.

Sam saw him standing by the fountain in the middle of the plaza. He stood for a while and observed the man he'd been in love with for years and his lover for the last eight. Two of those had of course not been in the physical sense of the word lover. Josh was physically different, not just his hair and the tanned skin. He'd always been lean, favouring running over lifting weights in the gym, and he'd had smooth but defined muscles. Looking at him now he was more muscular across his back, shoulders, arms and chest, a result of the manual labour he had been doing these past two years. Sam had felt the rough skin on Josh's hands as they had held his own. Josh looked up and saw Sam who smiled and walked towards the fountain to join him.

"Hey babe how are you doing?" Sam asked as he put his arm around Josh's waist.

Josh leaned into Sam, "I honestly don't know." Josh turned to face Sam. "I'm sorry about back there. I really _am_ confused. I sometimes don't know what's real, you know?"

Sam nodded. "I'm real; your friends are real Josh. We won't lie to you. You can trust us. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I know that, this here with you is my life, but for two years it was something else._ I_ was some_one_ else."

"Do you miss it?" Sam asked quietly.

"No…yes…oh god…I really can't say. It seemed a little off at first but then I came to accept it, however bad it got. There was no other input so I had to believe what I was told, anything else would seem too fantastic, like a trashy novel." Josh looked down and then back up straight into Sam's blue eyes. "I know I love you. I'm not confused about that." Hands moved and the two men embraced and kissed.

"Ahem." The sound ended the kiss and made the lovers turn to see who had interrupted them. "I'm sorry to interrupt you guys but we are on a tight schedule here." Laurence Frost looked more amused than sorry.

"Are you okay to go back babe?" Sam asked Josh.

"Yeah let's just get this over with." Josh sighed.

Laurence leaned his six foot four frame forward placing his hand on Josh's shoulder and looking directly into his eyes, "You understand Josh, this is only the beginning. It will get worse when you are in court actually facing him." Josh just nodded breaking eye contact.

"I still don't understand why the bastard is pleading not guilty!" Sam exclaimed noticing Josh tense slightly at his use of the word bastard. He knew Josh was still working through his feelings and found it difficult to speak badly of the man he had thought of as his father for two years.

"Let's go back up to my office and get this done." Frost led them back into the building, his long legs covering the distance in no time. Josh held Sam's hand tightly as he walked alongside him, the slight limp he had from a poorly set broken leg caused him to knock into Sam as he did so.

XxXxXxXx

"So Josh, how have you been?" Stanley asked as they got settled in his office.

"Okay I guess, a little confused." He paused and sighed deeply, "Actually I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by everything. There's so much I just can't remember."

Stanley hid his surprise at the openness Josh displayed so early in the session. He had known Josh for years and had seen him regularly before he began working at the Whitehouse and occasionally since, it usually it took him at least half an hour to even begin to open up. He must be feeling very off kilter.

"Do you remember me?"

"I'm not sure. I get flashes. Did I come here once and talk to you about a card?"

"You saw me many times Josh, but yes there was a time after you started working at the Whitehouse that you came to see me because you were troubled by something about a card at work. I never really understood what it was all about. It seemed to be more about Joanie than the card."

"I even forgot her, my own sister. How is that possible to forget everything, forget your entire life?"

"The brain works in mysterious ways. We still know so little. I have to assume that had you been surrounded by your friends and family when you came round you would have remembered sooner. Truthfully we'll never know. The important thing is that you are remembering now."

"That's part of the problem, sometimes I am told I know someone. I'm told their name and they seem familiar but I only get flashes of things we have shared. Like with you, it's just flashes."

"It's early days. Have you been to the Whitehouse yet?"

Josh looked down and didn't answer.

"Josh?"

When he looked back up there was fear in his eyes. "I…we…Sam…Sam took me…yesterday…it…" Josh looked back down shaking his head.

"Josh what happened?" Stanley asked softly.

"I don't want to talk about it…please I really don't want to talk about it."

"We need to Josh. If it's bothering you this much it will help to talk it through.

Josh kept his head down and didn't respond.

Stanley remained silent, hoping Josh would speak eventually.

After nearly ten minutes Josh whispered, "I panicked, in front of everyone."

"What happened?"

"There were all these people wanting to talk to me. I suppose welcome me back. So many people, so much noise, I…I…I couldn't breathe. They surrounded me, patting me on the back, shaking my hand, trying to hug me."

"What did you do?" Josh still hadn't looked at Stanley.

"I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to pass out. Everything was blurry, all the faces and the noise." Josh's breathing had started to get faster as he spoke.

Stanley went to him and kneeling on the floor, placed a comforting hand on Josh's shoulder. "Okay Josh, take some deep breaths, you're safe here, it's okay." Josh complied and his breathing returned to normal. He looked at Stanley, "Sam and Leo got me out of there. They took me out to the portico to get some air and then Sam took me home without having to go back in."

"Were you okay once you were home?" Stanley was sure there was more to what happened in the Whitehouse but didn't push.

"Yeah."

Stanley returned to his chair once he saw Josh had calmed.

"Has this happened before Josh, since you've been back?"

Josh nodded, "Not quite that bad but I don't like to be around crowds or lots of noise. I just feel…I don't know."

"Overwhelmed?" Stanley deliberately used the word Josh himself had used.

Josh snorted a little, "Yes, overwhelmed."

"Josh it's normal to feel this way. No one expects you just to jump right back into your life. You have to give it time."

"Stanley, what if I can't do it? I really don't think I can do it."

"Do what specifically?"

"Go back to the Whitehouse. I'm not that guy anymore."

"Are they offering you your old job back?" Stanley didn't quite manage to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"They've asked me to think about what I want to do. They never really filled the position permanently, but even just as an advisor. I know it's only a year but I can't do it. I can't go back there."

"So are you going to tell them that?" Stanley knew Josh needed to make the decision himself.

"What about Sam?"

"Your relationship with Sam doesn't revolve around your work Josh."

"No I know that, but it's not just about the work."

"What is it about, tell me?"

"I…I feel scared all the time. There are so many people everywhere, so much noise. The last two years have been so quiet, silent almost. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be some sort of recluse. I mean I do want to see people, friends, I want to see my friends."

"You're finding being in the city difficult." Stanley stated.

Josh nodded.

"Sam will understand."

"We've been apart for two years and now I come back and expect him to move away from his job, his life. It's too much to ask." Josh shook his head.

"Have you talked to him about how you feel?"

"No."

"Talk to him Josh. He needs to know and you need him to know. You have to be honest with him to help you get better. Promise me you'll talk to him."

After a slight hesitation, "I promise."

"Good, okay. So the trial starts next week?"

"Yes."

"That's quick."

"Yeah, I'm not sure what happened but they managed to persuade the Judge that it would be detrimental to me if I had to wait, something about being able to move on with my life."

"That's good, I agree with them. How do you feel about seeing him again?"

"I'm not sure. Part of me hates him for taking away two years of my life and lying to me about who I am so I couldn't even start to remember. Part of me still thinks of him as my father." Josh's voice and eyes hardened, "Then I think about not being able to say good bye to my mom and I want to kill him."

"Have you been to your mom's grave yet?"

"No." Josh whispered.

"Why?"

"I'm not ready." Josh sighed, sat back rubbing his eyes, "I keep thinking she's still at home in Westport, and then I remember she moved to Florida, and then I remember she's dead. It doesn't seem real, you know because I didn't know about it."

"If you go to her grave it'll make it real?" Stanley asked the question although the answer was obvious.

"Yes."

"Right, time's up, so this is what I want you to do before the trial starts. Okay?"

"Okay, what?" Josh was wary about what Stanley was going to say.

"First you need to talk with Sam about what you both want and need. Okay?"

"Okay, I'll do that." Josh nodded his agreement.

"Second you need to go and visit your mom's grave." He held his hand up to stop Josh's objection. "You need to be clear about the fact she is dead and this man stopped you being with her. You must be clear about how you feel. This trial is going to be difficult enough for you, but it will be even worse if you are confused about your feelings towards Jack Carlson."

Josh visibly flinched when Stanley mentioned 'Him' by name. No one had, Sam, Toby, CJ, Leo etc never used his name.

Josh swallowed before saying, "Stanley, I'm not sure I can do the second one."

"Josh please try." Josh just nodded.

Stanley got up to see Josh out; Sam was in the waiting room he stood as they came out of the office.

"Hi Sam."

"Hi Stanley, is everything okay?" Sam could see that Josh was a little rattled. He went to him and took his hand.

"Tough session. Let me know when you can come back Josh, I'll fit you in around the trial, but I still want to speak to you at least once a week. Think about what we discussed." Josh just nodded.

"Bye guys."

XxXxXxXx

Josh was silent and appeared contemplative the entire journey home; Sam didn't push him to talk. When they entered the apartment Josh closed the door and silently reached for Sam. He drew him into an all consuming embrace, seemingly trying to burrow his way into Sam. Sam held him tightly stroking his back; he could feel Josh's body shaking as he cried into Sam's shoulder. He didn't know what exactly had brought this on, something from his session with Stanley. After a while Josh's sobs subsided and Sam was able to guide him to the couch. Josh clung to him.

"Josh what's wrong babe?" Sam kissed the top of his head. "Josh talk to me."

"I want to go see my mom," was the muffled response.

At first Sam was tempted to remind Josh that she was dead, but then he realised Josh probably meant her grave. He had to be sure, Josh sounded so lost, like a small child. "You mean your mom's grave right?" He said gently.

Josh nodded into Sam's shirt.

"Okay babe we'll go tomorrow."

Josh just nodded again.

They stayed like that until Sam heard Josh's breathing even out and realised he'd fallen asleep in his arms. He carefully moved Josh so he was lying on the couch and covered him with the afghan they kept over the back.

Sam kissed him lightly on the forehead and then the lips, whispering, "I love you. I missed you so much."

Sam stood and just watched his lover sleep. The two years they were apart were the worst of his life. He never gave up hope that Josh would be found alive; it's what kept him in DC. In case Josh tried to contact him he wanted, no needed, to be where he knew Josh could do that easily. Some people told him he should move on, accept that Josh was dead and move on with his life again. He couldn't, he always felt Josh was alive.

He sat on the coffee table facing the couch revelling in the sight of the sleeping man before him. Then silent tears came as he let his thoughts drift to that terrible night.

Josh had been driving back from an out of town meeting. Sam was at home waiting for him to return so they could get some Chinese food. The plan was for him to order it and Josh would pick it up on his way. Josh was going to call when he was near enough. That call never came. Sam kept calling and paging Josh once he was four hours overdue. Sam had checked that he left the meeting on time, speaking to a very disgruntled government employee not impressed he had been woken at 1am to be asked about Josh Lyman by his boyfriend. Then he called Donna, CJ, Toby and finally Leo, by which time Sam was far beyond simple concern. They gathered at the apartment he shared with Josh, by this time Sam had called all the hospitals. He called the police but they weren't interested in an adult male missing only for a few hours. When Leo found out, he called them himself receiving promises of their full co-operation and searches of the route at first light.

At 8am the police called Leo and told him they had found Josh's car on a country road. It had gone off, possibly due to a blow out and had ended up on its roof in the trees. Sam and the rest of the Senior Staff were present when the call came, as they had all decided to go to work and congregate in Leo's office. Sam tried to prepare himself to be told they had dragged Josh's lifeless body out of the wreck, but he couldn't make himself believe it.

He held CJ's hand tightly waiting for the worst possible news. Instead the police reported that there was no body anywhere around the crash site. There was some blood and cloth torn from suit pants which were later confirmed as Josh's. There was initially some publicity, however the police theorised that Josh had been severely concussed and having managed to get out of the car had wandered and fallen into a nearby lake in his confused state. The fact that they were never able to find his body didn't seem to deter them from believing in this theory. The FBI, well Mike Casper, investigated his disappearance as well but came up with nothing.

Josh's mum came to stay with Sam for a while and they spent day after day out searching sometimes joined by CJ or Toby or Donna. Then she became ill and had to be hospitalised. She died of heart failure one year after Josh went missing. Sam continued to search, often alone and now only at weekends if he was free. He travelled farther and farther away from the crash site in his quest. Rumours circulated that Josh had committed suicide following a PTSD episode. There was talk of a memorial service; Sam refused to agree so it never happened.

For two years he felt like half of him was missing. He went to work, functioned but there was no joy in his life. He began to eat more when his co-workers voiced their concerns about his weight loss. Dr Bartlet told him that Josh would be angry with him when he returned if Sam hadn't been looking after himself. His life continued but he couldn't call it living.

Then six weeks ago a miracle happened. They were all called into the Oval office to be told that a man had walked into a police station claiming to possibly be Joshua Lyman. The tiny town where this happened was 200 miles from the crash site. They were confused by the 'possibly' part of the claim until they got the full story regarding Josh's amnesia. Sam was taken to Josh by Mike Casper who needed to confirm his identity.

Sam watched smiling as Josh mumbled in his sleep and shifted his position on the couch; he wiped away the tears and let his mind drift back in time to their reunion just six weeks ago.

He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Josh at the police station, his Josh, alive. Confusion and fear clouded those beautiful deep brown eyes. He remembered saying Josh's name, then feeling stupid telling him, "It's me Sam."

Josh stood and walked slowly to Sam; he reached out and touched his cheek. "You're real. You're in my dreams, but you're real. My Sam." Josh's voice was quiet and his tone awed. "I can't believe you're real."

He had cried when he took Josh into his arms, vowing never to let him go again.

Josh stirred and smiled at Sam when he saw him sitting watching him.

"I like having you here for real and not just in my dreams."

"I like having you here for real too, my love." Sam reached out to take Josh's hand in his.

"Sam?"

"Mmmm?"

"Sometimes in my dreams you were making love to me. Will you for real?" Josh looked at Sam with such lust it momentarily took Sam's breath away.

"Are you sure?" Despite his own eagerness, Sam wanted to make sure as they had not done anything much more than kissing and hand-jobs since Josh came back.

"I'm sure, really sure." Josh squeezed Sam's hand, stood and led the way to their bedroom.

"I want you to let me take care of you. This is for you Josh just for you." Sam whispered as he placed light kisses on Josh's jaw.

Sam stood in front of Josh and slowly undressed him, kissing his skin as it was revealed. Once his shirt was off Sam ran his hands over Josh's muscular torso, lingering over scars old and new. Josh moaned as Sam licked and teased his nipples with his tongue and teeth. Sam guided Josh to the bed and gently pushed him down to lie on his back. Crawling on to the bed he positioned himself over Josh losing himself momentarily in those deep brown eyes. Sam leaned in to kiss Josh deeply, their tongues seeking each other out. Moving down to his jaw and then returning to his nipples he soon had Josh writhing and moaning beneath him. Sam got up to remove Josh's pants and shorts, which he did eventually with Josh's cooperation. Sam took a minute to take in Josh's body as he removed his own clothing, the sight of which caused Josh's cock to twitch in appreciation. Returning to Josh he licked his way up his inner thighs and took Josh's balls in his mouth. Josh was now unable to keep still or quiet.

"Sam, oh Sam, Sam please."

When Sam took Josh's cock in his warm wet mouth Josh bucked his hips in an attempt to get even more contact.

"Please… Sam… I want… to come with you inside me… please." Josh struggled to speak.

Sam moved away just long enough to reach for the lube, condoms being unnecessary as neither man had been with anyone else during their enforced separation.

"Babe it's been a long time, are you sure?" Sam wanted to give Josh the chance to change his mind.

"Please Sam, want you, need you." Josh breathed.

Sam took his time preparing Josh taking care not to hurt his lover. By the time he was ready they were both desperate for release. Sam positioned himself at Josh's entrance and despite their need slowly slid in until Josh was totally filled. They both sighed and smiled at the feeling.

"You gonna move Sam?" Josh grinned up at his lover.

Sam began to move in and out of Josh slowly at first then he got taken over by the need to thrust as Josh came up to meet him crying out as he did so. Soon there was nothing but two men thrusting hard towards each other in unison. Josh actually screamed when he came all over his chest, Sam soon followed crying out Josh's name in his ecstasy.

Sam collapsed on top of Josh waiting for them both to get their breath back.

"That was amazing." Josh grinned.

"Just like your dreams?"

"Better, much better."

"We better get some sleep; we've got a long drive tomorrow." Sam went to the bathroom returning with two wash cloths. He cleaned Josh and then himself.

Once in bed they kissed and held each other until they fell asleep.

XxXxXxXx

They got up early the following morning. Josh surprised Sam by suddenly going to his knees in the shower and taking Sam's cock in his mouth. He took everything Sam had to give him. When he was finished Sam helped him stand and he kissed Sam with a passion that conveyed two long years apart. They stood in the bathroom wrapped in towels kissing.

"Josh? Do you still want to go today?" Sam held Josh away from him so he could see his face.

"I have to go Sam. I need to get my head straight. I need…for my life to be real. I need to say goodbye to her."

They drove all the way just stopping for coffee and food. Sam had booked a hotel room for the night. He was hoping he could persuade Josh to visit his mom's lawyers the following day. They had her will and Josh was her sole heir. The closer they got the quieter Josh became.

Sam pulled the car into the Temple of Israel cemetery car park. He had attended Rita Lyman's funeral along with the rest of the Senior Staff, he and Toby had returned a couple of months ago for the stone setting. He walked with Josh to where his mother was buried alongside her beloved Noah and their daughter Joanie. Once there, he stood back to give Josh space.

Josh knelt on the ground and picked up three stones, tears steaming unchecked down his face. He reached forward to first place one on Joanie's grave, and then sat back on his heels.

"Hey sis, I'm sorry I haven't been here recently. I'm sorry I forgot you for a while, I didn't mean to. I really wish you were here to make fun of me and sing to me like you used to. I love you Joanie."

Then Josh went to Noah.

"Dad please don't hate me for believing his lies. I'm sorry, so sorry if I disappointed you. I'm sorry. I love you."

Finally Josh took a deep breath and faced the grave he had never seen before.

"Oh Mom, I love you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." Josh was crying openly now. "Please forgive me."

Sam left Josh to grieve for a while, but eventually he couldn't stand to see him so upset and kneeling down behind him he gathered him into his arms.

"Sshh babe, sshh it's okay, it's okay. It's not your fault Josh, none of it was your fault."

Josh pushed him off and suddenly stood up. He glared at Sam. "I let them down, all of them!"

"No Josh you didn't." Sam maintained eye contact but made no attempt to touch Josh.

Josh turned away and then turning back to Sam but not looking at him, he exclaimed, "Yes I did! I wasn't there for any of them Sam, not Joanie, not my Dad and definitely not for my Mom. I'm no good for anyone Sam, no good, no good for you either." This time Sam moved towards Josh and held him by the arms. Josh still didn't look at him.

"Don't say that Josh, it's not true. You're everything to me. When you were gone I didn't want to live. I don't want to be without you. I love you. Your family loved you. They were so proud of you Josh, so proud of you, _I'm_ so proud of you. The way you're trying to come to terms with what happened to you? It's amazing. You're so strong Yehoshua ben Noah."

Josh looked up at the use of his Hebrew name, sounding strange coming from Sam's lips.

"They loved you Josh. I love you." Sam drew Josh to him as he shed more tears. "Let it out babe, that's it let it out."

When Josh had calmed Sam led him back to the car, opened the door, helped him in and reached over to do up his seatbelt. Josh just let him, silently staring ahead, tears dried on his face. Sam kissed Josh's cheek as he pulled back.

"Let's get you to the hotel."

Once in the hotel room Josh removed his shoes and coat and lay curled up on the bed. Sam sat stroking his hair until Josh fell asleep emotionally drained.

Two hours later Josh woke to find Sam sleeping spooned against his back, his arms holding Josh protectively. Josh sighed and smiled as memories of waking in a similar position many times came to him. He felt safe, really safe, for the first time since he had woken up in another bed two years ago. Those memories, however, were the ones that came to him easily.

He had woken feeling dizzy and had a headache, although that was nothing compared to the pain in his leg. He must have groaned because he heard a voice say, "So, you're awake now son."

A large muscular man in his 60's with salt and pepper hair sat on the bed next to him.

"I'll bet that leg hurts like hell, sorry I fixed it up the best I could." Josh had just nodded he felt so confused, which must have shown.

"Remember much?" He had asked. Josh thought and realised, with a rising feeling of panic, he didn't know or remember anything, not where he was, or how he got there, not who this person who called him son was, and then it hit him he wasn't able to recall his own name. He was terrified. He had tried to move but the pain in his leg and the man's hand on his shoulder prevented him from even sitting up.

"Just relax now, it's okay. I'll get you some water." Josh had tried to look around as the man got the water. Nothing was familiar. Can that happen he asked himself? Can you lose your entire memory? He knew he had hit his head and had hurt his leg so he must have had some sort of accident, but why wasn't he in hospital?

The man returned and Josh gratefully sucked some water through a straw.

"Thanks. Where is this?"

"Home," was the cryptic response.

This is how it continued for the next few days. When he was awake, Josh would ask a question and the answer would always be one word and not really explain. Like 'home', whose home, his home, their home, where was home?" At first he didn't ask his name because he felt stupid not knowing, he thought it would suddenly come to him. The man continued to call him son but Josh didn't know if it was just a term he used with the younger man or if he meant it literally and he was his son. He had been feeling so awful at first that he didn't press for details; he was too exhausted by the pain and dizziness.

Sam moving behind him pulled Josh away from his thoughts.

Sam nuzzled Josh's neck. "Hey, how are you doing?"

Josh turned to face him on the bed, "Better thanks. I really don't know what I'd do without you." Josh kissed Sam softly on the lips, "Thank you."

Sam smiled as his hand slid down Josh's back to his ass. He suddenly pulled Josh towards him so their groins touched, leaving both of them in no doubt where this was headed and both needing to release pent up emotions.

"Fuck me into the mattress Josh." Sam smiled wickedly.

Not needing to be told twice, after some gloriously fast and furious foreplay, Josh complied with Sam's demand.

Once recovered, showered and dressed they set out to find somewhere to eat, deciding against eating in the hotel. They strolled hand in hand finding a small Italian restaurant that had tables available.

Once their food had arrived Sam broached the subject of Rita Lyman's will.

"Josh, how do you feel about going to see your mom's lawyers tomorrow before we head back?"

Josh sighed and looked up from his pasta, "I guess it's something I should do. I can't say I want to, but I know I have to. So okay let's go." He offered Sam a small smile.

"Good." Sam returned the smile.

"Sam I…I need to talk to you about something."

"That sounds serious, what do you need to talk about?" Sam had been worried that Josh would not want to be with him. The first few weeks back together were okay but Josh was so distant that Sam didn't really know what to do. The last two weeks had been better and the last few days had been great. He'd started to relax, however he felt his stomach tighten with worry over what Josh wanted to discuss.

"You remember how I was when we went to the Whitehouse? How I panicked?"

Sam reached for Josh's hand on the table, "Josh you don't have to be embarrassed by that. It'll get better, you'll get better."

"Sam, I'm scared. I'm scared when I'm out, when I'm with lots of people, when there's lots of noise."

"Josh you have to give yourself time, babe" Sam squeezed Josh's hand.

"Yeah you're right. I need to give it more time." Josh squeezed Sam's hand back and tried to smile. He had wanted to tell Sam that he needed to go away, somewhere away from the city, away from stress and crowds and people's expectations of him. He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't bear to see the disappointment he was sure would line Sam's gorgeous face.

"You'll see once the trial is over you _will_ feel better, more settled." Sam tried to reassure.

"Okay, yeah, thanks." Josh went back to eating his food, realising he was no longer hungry he pushed his plate away.

"Josh you should eat."

"I'm not hungry Sam, please, really I'm not." Josh's eyes pleaded with Sam, not to make an issue of it.

"Do you want to go?"

"Yeah, actually I'm tired. You wore me out." Josh managed a smirk, which made Sam laugh.

They strolled back to the hotel hand in hand both deep in their own thoughts.

The meeting with Rita Lyman's lawyers was as distressing as Josh thought it would be. With the exception of a couple of charitable donations everything had been left to Josh. He was now the reluctant owner of a condo in Florida and an extremely healthy bank account. When they asked whether he wanted them to sell the property in Florida for him, he could not comprehend. Sam intervened guiding him out saying Mr Lyman would be in touch and would let them know.

"Let's go home." Sam stated as he drove the car towards the interstate.

XxXxXxXx

The first day of the trial was a media circus such as the town had never experienced. Sam and Josh had arrived the night before and were staying in a hotel outside of town, hoping to escape some of the press. An entire floor of the hotel had been reserved for the prosecution team and a case had been made for the risk to Josh's safety so there were guards securing the exits. No one really felt Josh was at risk of physical harm but Leo and the President wanted to ensure he was protected from prying eyes. They felt he had been through enough and wanted to spare him as much stress as possible. His visit to the Whitehouse and subsequent conversations had caused Leo to be concerned about how well Josh was adjusting to being back. He had discussed it with the First Lady who had decided to take matters into her own hands once the trial was over.

Josh and Sam were escorted from the car to the back entrance of the court building, Sam's arm possessively around Josh's waist. Josh was very nervous and had barely said a word to anyone that morning. Sam had awoken to the sound of Josh vomiting in the bathroom. He refused to eat and Sam had to do his shirt buttons and tie, his hands were shaking so much. Sam tried to soothe him but Josh was wound up so tightly there was very little he could do, without getting naked.

They were taken to a private room in the court building where the lawyers were waiting. When they came into the room Laurence dismissed his team so he could speak to Josh and Sam alone.

"How are you doing Josh?"

"Okay." Josh did not look up from the table they were sitting at. Sam maintained contact with him by running his hand up and down Josh's back.

"Josh, I know this is hard but I really need you to keep your head in the game here. You're going to be on that stand for hours, possibly days. You have to be focussed. Can you do that?"

Josh nodded.

"Josh look at me." Josh raised his head to look at Laurence.

"Can you do it?"

Josh swallowed and nodded more firmly this time, "Yes, yes I can do it."

Residing Judge Terrance Peters observed as Josh walked into the court room keeping his focus on the area where he would give his evidence. The Judge had seen Josh many times on TV when he was President Bartlet's Deputy Chief of Staff. He had always admired the man's tenacity and sharp wit. He was quite shocked to see the change in him.

Josh took the appropriate oath, confirmed his name and sat waiting for Laurence to begin his questions. Sam smiled encouragingly from the seat just behind the lawyers.

"Mr Lyman, is it okay if I call you Josh?" Laurence knew calling Josh by his first name would help him relax and help the jury see him as a regular person.

"Yes, that's fine."

"Okay Josh. What is the first memory you have following your car accident on October 4 2003?

"At the time I didn't know I'd had an accident. I woke up; I didn't know when it was or where I was. Josh paused, "To answer your question my first memory is pain."

"You were in pain?"

"Yes my leg and head, they hurt a lot."

"Tell us what happened when you woke up."

"He came over to me." Josh nodded towards the man he had known as his father.

"By 'he' you mean the defendant Jack Carlson?"

"Yes, Jack Carlson came over to me and sat on the bed. He said something about me being awake and in pain. He apologised about my leg."

"What was he apologising for?"

"He said that he had set it as best he could."

"He set your broken leg himself?" Laurence reinforced the point.

"That's what I understood him to mean." Josh nodded and then took a sip of water. Sam could see his hand still trembled but not as badly as earlier.

"What happened then Josh?"

"He gave me some water, told me I was home when I asked where I was."

"Josh sorry to interrupt you but you asked where you were and Jack Carlson said you were home?" Laurence wanted the jury to be sure what Josh was saying.

"He said home, yes." Josh confirmed.

"Okay tell us more about those first days."

"I was in and out of it. I slept a lot. Sometimes I woke alone, sometimes he would be there."

"Did you try to get up or leave?"

"I tried to get up a couple of times but I was in so much pain from my leg I could hardly move. Once, later on, I nearly got off the bed but he came in and pushed me back down."

"You say he pushed you, how?"

"He pushed me, his hands on my shoulders. He told me to get back into bed and not be stupid."

"How long were you confined to bed?"

"I really have no idea. It was weeks, maybe a couple of months. I'm not sure."

"How did you eat?"

"At first he wouldn't let me do anything. I wasn't very hungry but he'd feed me soup and water. Then he propped me up on pillows so I could feed myself."

"What about washing or using the toilet? How did you manage that?"

Josh looked down, obviously embarrassed to talk about this so publicly.

"Please answer the question Mr Lyman." The Judge intervened, not unkindly.

Josh looked back up to see Sam silently supporting him. When Josh spoke it was clear and strong.

"At first he washed me and he clipped my hair short. He helped me use a bottle to urinate. He didn't ask me if I wanted to he just put the bottle in place and told me I had to go then or wet myself. Later I could use the bottle myself. He used a pan for the other. The same thing, go now or soil yourself. He said he was too busy to be at my beck and call."

"So he bed bathed you?"

"Yes, he did."

"Did he undress you?"

"Not fully, no, he'd wash my face and then run the cloth under my shirt and under my arms. Then he'd run the cloth inside my shorts, I wasn't wearing pants. I couldn't do it for myself." Josh didn't like where this was going. Whatever else had happened he was not sexually assaulted by this man. "He was looking after me."

"Okay Josh let's move on to when you eventually got up."

"He brought some old wooden crutches and helped me up. I could stand and get around with them. I was able to get myself to the bathroom."

"Josh when did you ask him your name?"

"Before the crutches, not long before. I didn't ask before because I thought it would come back to me I felt stupid not knowing my own name."

"What did he tell you Josh?" Laurence asked gently.

"He said I was his son, Joe Carlson."

"Did this make sense to you?"

Josh snorted, "Nothing made sense to me, nothing."

"Did he tell you what happened to you?"

"He told me that I had been living in the city and got in trouble with a drug dealer. He said I had been a crack addict and owed lots of money. The drug dealer had got his guys to teach me a lesson before but I hadn't learned so they'd come after me again."

"He said they had done something to you before?"

"Yes, I asked what the scarring on my chest was from." Josh paused to take a sip of water. "He told me that I had been shot and had to have surgery."

"Shot by the drug dealer?"

"Yes by the drug dealer. He said he had come back to get me and they were looking for me to kill me. That's why he hadn't taken me to a hospital to get my leg fixed."

"You believed him." Laurence stated rather than asked.

"I had no reason not to. The being shot thing felt right, there was physical evidence. I started having memory flashes of myself either in a hospital, or lying on a sidewalk bleeding. You have to understand I had no memory of my life or my identity."

"So the scarring you have as a result of being shot at Rosslyn and having 14 hours of life saving surgery, whilst in the service of President Bartlet, who I might add was also shot, was explained away by claiming you were a drug addict who was shot by a drug dealer you owed money to." Laurence reinforced for the jury his disgust evident in his tone.

"Yes." Josh's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Mr Frost I think now would be a good time to take a break." The Judge looked over at Laurence, eyebrows raised asking for confirmation that this was acceptable.

"Thank you your honour." Laurence nodded.

""Court will take a 30 minute recess."

Back in the lawyers' room Josh sat nursing a cup of coffee. Sam came into the room and headed straight for Josh, hugging him from behind. "You are doing great, babe. I'm so proud of you."

"Can we get some fresh air?" Josh asked.

"Sure." Sam stood back as Josh got up from the table.

The two men left the room and were escorted out to a private garden usually reserved for the presiding Judge.

They sat on a bench and just held hands enjoying the contact.

"You know I thought I would feel really conflicted when I saw him again, but going to my mom's grave I think gave me some perspective. Stanley said it would, he was right."

"Just remember that when you're being questioned by the defence."

"Yes I will most certainly try." Josh said wryly.

"We'd better get back in."

"In a minute, I need something first." Josh smiled.

"Oh yeah, what's that then?" Sam matched his smile.

"A kiss to keep me going." Josh turned towards Sam and leaned in to claim his kiss. He was about to pull back when Sam put his hand on the back of Josh's head and held him there extending and deepening the kiss.

"Don't you guys ever stop?"

"You're just jealous, Laurence." Josh smirked up at him after being released by Sam.

"Hey give me a break I'm away from my wife and you two are always kissing or something. It's not fair."

"Well you can put all that unresolved sexual tension into prosecuting this guy!" Sam laughed as he and Josh got up to follow Laurence back in.

The next session continued with Laurence reinforcing that Josh had been told he was Joe Carlson 39 year old only son of Jack Carlson. He had also been told to call him Pop. After the lunch recess they began to explore how much freedom Josh had been given.

"Josh were you allowed to go anywhere you wanted?"

"No, I wasn't. When I was using the crutches Pop wouldn't let me go outside the house."

"Josh you said, 'Pop', did you mean Jack Carlson?" Laurence tried to bring Josh back gently.

"Huh? I'm sorry I meant Carlson. Jack Carlson wouldn't let me go outside."

"Did he say why?"

"He said I wouldn't be able to get away fast enough from the guys after me if I was using the crutches. If I was in the house they wouldn't see me if they came by."

"So you believed there were people after you, wanting to kill you?"

"Yes I thought they wanted to kill me. He would go into town and tell me he'd seen them but they hadn't seen him, but it was okay we lived far enough away from town. I'd be safe as long as I did as I was told."

"Where were you when he was in town Josh?"

"In the house."

"You just stayed there like you were told."

"At first, but when I stopped using the crutches I argued about staying in the house. I said I could be getting some work done outside rather than sitting in the house."

"What did he say when you told him that?"

"He didn't _say_ anything. Josh paused remembering what happened, "He hit me, hard; he knocked me to the floor and dragged me down to the basement. My head was spinning, I couldn't fight back."

"What happened in the basement?"

"He had handcuffs. He cuffed me to a pipe on the wall, both hands above my head. I was sat against the wall. He locked the door to the basement and left me there in the dark."

"How long were you there alone in the dark?"

"I'm not sure, a few hours I suppose." Josh shrugged.

"What happened when he came back?"

"He came in and put the light on. He knelt next to me, gripped my face then got really close, right in my face. He said I should be grateful he was keeping me safe. He'd seen the men in town and he nearly told them where I was because I was so ungrateful. I told him I was sorry. He just laughed and threw my head back."

"What else did he do Josh?"

"He took out a knife, lifted up my shirt and ran the knife down my side."

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes, it hurt. It was bleeding, but it wasn't really deep. He told me that next time he'd cut me properly if I disobeyed him. He just left me there all night, bleeding in the dark cuffed to the wall." Josh's hands were shaking again as he reached for the glass of water.

"Your Honour, you have photos of the scars on Mr Lyman's body from injuries he sustained during his captivity." Laurence explained.

"Ensure the jury sees them." The Judge ordered.

"What happened the next day Josh?" Laurence continued.

"He came, undid the cuffs and told me to go and clean up. I did as I was told, he gave me some toast and coffee, then we went to feed the animals like normal. He didn't mention it again."

"Mr Frost I think that will do for the day. Mr Lyman you will resume on the stand tomorrow."

"Yes Your Honour."

That evening Sam held Josh until he fell asleep. He hadn't eaten much nor had he really wanted to talk, Sam didn't push him but was becoming increasingly concerned with the effect this was having on Josh. When his cell phone rang he slipped away from his lover to answer it.

"Sam Seaborn."

"Hey Sam, how's it going?" The concern in Leo's voice was evident.

"It's so difficult Leo. I don't know how to help him. He's so lost, you know?" Sam said moving into the bathroom so as not to disturb Josh.

"Yeah I know Sam. I've seen that in him too since he came back." Leo sighed.

"Sometimes he's almost like the used to be, but it's just fleeting, then there's this shadow that comes over him. He's quiet and his emotions are all over the place." Sam paused, "I love him Leo. I want to help him, but I'm not sure how."

"Sam he just needs you to be there for him. I can't imagine what it's like for the two of you. How's his memory now?"

"Better, he remembers most things. He has flashes of memory where he doesn't remember fully, which really frustrates him. Stanley is convinced he'll get it all back eventually."

"What about the panic attacks?" Leo had been there when Josh had had a fairly major attack in the Whitehouse recently.

"He's not too bad away from crowds and noise. I can see him trying to suppress it in the court room, but his hands shake when he's on the stand. Leo it's not like it was after Rosslyn. This is always there underneath; I can see it in his eyes, the fear." Sam's voice caught a little as he tried to suppress his own emotions.

"He's not coming back is he?" Leo's tone indicated he already knew the answer.

"He hasn't said for sure but I don't think so and to be honest I don't think he should Leo. I know you all want him back, but I don't think it's what he needs. It would put too much pressure on him."

"I'd love to have him back in the Whitehouse, as would the President, but he has to do what's best for him. You have to do what's best for you both, as a couple Sam."

Sam knew what Leo was trying to say and felt grateful for his boss' level of understanding. "Thanks Leo, we will. We'll discuss it after the case has finished. When he's got some distance from this."

"Tell Josh we're all thinking about him; take care of both of you."

"I will Leo, thanks for everything."

"Bye Sam."

"Bye Leo."

Sam looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired and sad. Suddenly he saw Josh's face over his shoulder and felt Josh's arms around him. He smiled at the reflection, the sadness chased away by his lover's embrace.

XxXxXxXx

The next day in court was even harder for Josh. He had spent a few days in hospital following his appearance at the police station. The doctors had analysed his blood for everything conceivable, he'd had x-rays and scans, a lumbar puncture, an ECG, and many psychological tests. Photographs had been taken of the scars on his body.

Today was about how he had sustained the catalogue of injuries he had received over the two years.

The first witness was a doctor who explained the x-rays and scans, as well as the scarring.

"So Doctor Kemp would you please summarise for the court what injuries Mr Lyman sustained in the last two years." Laurence Frost could feel Sam's eyes boring into him from behind. This was a necessary component of the prosecution's case, but it was very difficult for Sam to hear.

"Mr Lyman's test results indicated a fractured left tibia and fibula, hairline skull fracture, four of his ribs had been broken but not necessarily at the same time, and the right humorous fractured in two places. There was also evidence of him being cut, most probably with a knife, on his right side, his abdomen, his back, and his buttocks."

"What was his condition at the time of admission to your hospital?"

"He had a wound on his back which was probably a couple of days old, an eye infection, and was somewhat disoriented and jumpy. Blood tests revealed him to be slightly dehydrated and marginally malnourished."

"Dr Kemp, what did he look like?"

"He was a bit dirty, his clothes were ill fitting, grubby and torn in places. He had very short hair but several days' stubble."

The defence only asked how the Doctor could be sure the injuries had not been sustained more than two years ago before letting him go.

Once the court had returned from the lunch recess Josh was back on the stand.

"Mr Lyman may I remind you that you are still under oath."

"Yes Your Honour."

Laurence gave Josh a minute to settle and watched him as he visibly gained strength from Sam just by making eye contact.

"Josh we heard Dr Kemp give evidence regarding the injuries you sustained in the two years you were with Jack Carlson. I know this is difficult but we need to know how those injuries occurred. Can you tell the court how you got them?"

"I…I can tell you how I was hurt, but I can't say for sure whether something was broken."

"I understand, just do the best you can. Tell us how you were hurt Josh." Laurence encouraged.

Taking a deep breath Josh decided to start with the easy ones. "Well I broke my leg and I think my skull in the original crash. I may have hurt my ribs then as well. I'm not sure." Josh took a sip of water. "I've already told you how I got the scar on my side. That was really the first time he actually hurt me. He was a bit rough handling me when I was confined to bed but it didn't seem malicious, just, I don't know inexperience I suppose."

"So what happened to your arm?"

"Honestly he didn't do that. I was with the horses and one of them kicked me. It was my fault. I handled them wrong."

"That must have been painful. Did he take you to the hospital or a doctor?" Laurence pushed.

"No he didn't. I asked him to because it hurt like hell and I couldn't move my arm properly. He told me the usual thing about it being too dangerous for me to be seen."

"So what did he do?"

"He strapped my arm up in a sling he made from an old t-shirt."

"Anything else?"

"He gave me some Tylenol for the pain." Josh again made eye contact with Sam, wishing they could be anywhere but here.

"Josh do you have any idea how your ribs might have been broken?"

Sam still held Josh's gaze. He saw the fear and discomfort flit across his deep brown eyes.

Laurence could see Josh was finding this very difficult, but he needed to get Josh through it if they were going to get a full conviction. Carlson maintained that he had never hurt Josh and that Josh had stayed willingly, never making any attempt to leave.

"Josh?" Laurence tried to get Josh's attention. He and the Judge exchanged looks.

"Mr Lyman can you answer the question please?"

Josh turned to the Judge, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm sorry Your Honour."

"Mr Lyman are you alright? Do you need a break?"

"No, no I'm okay. I'm sorry what was the question?"

"I asked if you have any idea how your ribs might have been broken?" Laurence repeated.

"Sometimes I didn't do things quite right, especially in the first year. I didn't really know what I was doing with the animals and the small crops. I made lots of mistakes and he would get angry with me. Usually he'd just take the hose to me but once he hit me with a piece of wood in my chest when I was putting something, I don't remember what, on a high shelf in the barn. I didn't know it was coming, he caught me by surprise."

"So your arms were raised when he hit you?"

"Yes he got me in the side of my chest. I was winded and fell to the ground. It hurt to breath for weeks afterwards."

"Did he get you any medical attention?"

"No, none."

"Josh you said he'd 'take the hose to you', what does that mean?"

"He'd hit me with a piece of garden hose when I did something wrong."

"How did you get the other cuts on your body?"

"The ones on my back and abdomen are from other times he dragged me into the basement and kept me there overnight."

"What about the ones on your buttocks Josh?"

Josh took a gulp of water, "He found me sitting on the ground when I should have been working. I had been in the basement the night before. I was really tired. I sat down to rest for a minute except I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I knew he had pushed me over and was sitting on my back pulling my pants and shorts down from behind. He cut me with his knife, got up and pulled me to my feet. He pushed me against the fence and said lets see you sit down now boy." Josh looked down then back up, "Then he walked off laughing." Josh's eyes found Sam.

Laurence paused to give the court time to absorb the brutality of the act.

"I think now would be a good time to adjourn for the day." The Judge instructed.

Josh almost ran out of the courtroom not knowing where he was going, just knowing he had to get out. He pushed past people in the corridors unaware of Sam's frantic calls behind him, and even past the surprised security guards out the font door.

"Josh!"

"Josh!"

Suddenly he was surrounded by a sea of reporters shouting his name, sticking microphones in his face, flashes from cameras everywhere.

Josh couldn't breathe, the voices around him were an indecipherable roar, and he couldn't see properly his vision was blurred. He tugged at his collar with shaking fingers in a vain attempt to get some air into his lungs. He could feel the sweat running down his back, soaking his shirt, and down his face, blinding him even more. His legs suddenly felt unreliable, jellylike and unsupportive. Josh Lyman once President Bartlet's pit-bull fell to his knees amidst the cacophony that is the world's press and let the darkness take him.

Guards parted the reporters like Moses at the Red Sea. Sam ran to Josh's side crying out his name in anguish at the sight before him. Sam dropped to the ground clutching his lover's cold hand, Josh didn't move.

An EMT made his way in, his partner followed pushing Sam out of the way. "Sir please let us help him." Sam barely acknowledged him but made room for them to work.

"Okay he's breathing but it's a little shallow, Josh this is an oxygen mask I'm putting on you." The EMT spoke to Josh even though he was not expecting a response.

"Let's get him to the ER." A gurney appeared, "Josh we're going to lift you onto this gurney and get you to the emergency room. You're going to be okay buddy."

Sam was forced to stand back as they loaded Josh into the ambulance. He jumped in as soon as he could, and took Josh's hand. "Josh I'm here."

Josh began to come round on the ride to the hospital, terror in his eyes as he tried to comprehend what was happening to him.

"Josh, it's okay babe, I'm here with you. It's okay." Sam attempted to reassure the frightened man in front of him. Josh clutched his hand tightly.

"Josh you need to keep that mask on buddy. I don't want to have to restrain you." The EMT's voice was firm but kind as he replaced the oxygen mask Josh had tried to remove.

Once in the ER Sam was separated from Josh while the medical team assessed him. Sam was guided to a waiting room, where he almost fell into a chair still in shock at seeing Josh engulfed by the reporters and then disappearing as he sank to the ground. He had no idea how much time had passed when he felt a cup of coffee being nudged into his hand. He looked up to see the worried countenance of Laurence Frost looking down at him.

"Any news?" Sam asked. Laurence shook his head.

"How are you doing Sam?" Laurence sat down next to him taking a sip from his own coffee.

"I can't believe he just ran out like that. I called him and he just kept running. Then when he was on the ground, oh god, I thought he'd had a heart attack. I thought he was dead. He looked dead." Sam just managed to control himself not wanting to break down in front of this man.

"It was a very stressful day for him; well the entire trial is difficult for him, for you both. That plus the constant press attention must be almost unbearable. We thought it would be easier to get it out of the way, but maybe we should have waited until _he_ was ready."

"To be honest Laurence I don't think he would ever be ready for this. Who would?"

They were interrupted by Sam's cell phone.

"Sam Seaborn."

"Sam, oh my god we've just seen it on MSNBC. How's Josh?"

"It's on TV? CJ what do you mean?"

"Sam they're showing him running out of the court, being surrounded by press and then collapsing. You running up, the EMT's, him being loaded into the ambulance, everything Sam. How is he?"

Sam walked to the TV in the corner and switched it on. "Oh my god." He whispered as images of Josh filled the screen.

"Sam? Sam are you there?"

"Sorry CJ, yeah I'm here. He started to come round in the ambulance. I'm in the waiting room; they haven't told me what's happening yet." Sam sat back down suddenly drained.

"Do you want one of us to come down there?"

"You know that would be great. I could really do with a friend right now." Sam sighed in relief.

"Well I'm glad you said that because Dr Bartlet and Donna are on their way. We all wanted to come, including the President, but as you can imagine it's not practical and I'm not sure what message it would send the electorate."

"I understand. I'm grateful for everyone being so understanding with me taking a leave of absence."

"You need to be with Josh, we know that and wouldn't have it any other way."

The door opened as a doctor came in.

"CJ I have to go."

"Okay let us know when you know something."

"Will do." Sam shut his phone.

Sam stood, "Is Josh okay?"

"Mr Seaborn?"

"Yes, I'm Sam Seaborn. Is Josh okay?"

"Yes he had a severe anxiety episode. I would say brought on by today's events, and exacerbated by the crowd of reporters and his existing PTSD."

"Can I see him?"

"Sure, we want to keep him in over night. I've lightly sedated him to keep him relaxed and let him rest."

"Doctor I'm his attorney, Laurence Frost. I'm sorry to have to ask this but will he be fit to take the stand tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry Mr Frost but subjecting him to hour after hour of emotionally draining questions is the worst thing you could possibly do to him right now. He won't be fit tomorrow or the next day possibly not even next week. I am sure his therapist will agree, you need to keep him away from this media circus. He's been though a very traumatic experience that we can't even begin to imagine. He needs peace, quiet, and lots of rest, not questions, media attention and stress." The doctor seemed angry on Josh's behalf.

Turning his attention back to Sam, "If you'd like to come with me I'll take you to Josh."

When they had left the room Laurence Frost sighed as he slumped down into the hard plastic chair, got out his phone and placed a call. "Hi it's me, we have a big problem."

Sam was pleased to see that Josh was not attached to any medical equipment, not even an IV. He was sleeping peacefully when Sam leaned down and placed a light kiss of his lover's forehead. Sam noted that Josh's face showed signs of the stress he was under even in his sleep. Sam moved a visitor's chair closer to the bed, took Josh's hand in his before settling down and eventually falling asleep himself.

"Sam? Sam?" Someone quietly calling his name and gently shaking his shoulder roused Sam from quite an uncomfortable sleep. He opened his eyes to see Abbey Bartlet smiling down at him.

"Hey, Mrs Bartlet, you're here." Sam shook himself more awake as Abbey sat down on the other chair. Sam glanced over at Josh who was still sleeping.

"He's looking a bit more peaceful now." Sam commented turning to smile at the woman before him.

"I saw the footage and I've spoken to his doctor here. That was a bad episode Sam."

"I know, but what can we do? He needs to get through this court thing before we can move on, or that guy will just get away with what he did." Sam's exasperation was evident. "I just want to take him away from everything and protect him. I can't stand to see him hurting like this." Sam's resolve broke at those words and tears began falling down his cheeks and gathered in the arms of the First Lady he sobbed letting out all the emotional turmoil that he had been holding in to be strong for Josh. It felt so good to not have to be the strong one just for a few minutes.

"Sam?" Josh's voice broke through his distress. "Sam, are you okay?"

Sam withdrew from Abbey's comforting arms, stood and perched on the side of the bed, wiping his face with his hands.

"Hey, you're awake." He smiled at the man he adored, taking his hand.

"I'm sorry Sam, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I ran. I didn't mean to scare you I just had to get out." Josh sat up on the bed and took Sam in his arms. "I'm sorry." He mumbled into Sam's neck.

"It's okay, as long as you're okay now." Sam moved back to get a good look at Josh, "Are you okay?"

"Honestly?" Sam nodded.

"Honestly no I'm still a bit shaky. I was so scared but I couldn't move and then I was falling. Sam I'm not sure I can do this."

"Do what?"

"The court thing. I thought I could, but there are so many people in there and I need to forget the last two years not relive them. I thought if I could just get through this then I, we, could move on, but I'm not ready for this. I'm really not. I'm sorry to let you down like this."

Abbey Bartlet sat quietly observing this very private exchange formulating a plan. She left the room without either man noticing her exit.

"Josh you've never let me down. Never. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. We'll talk more tomorrow when you're feeling better."

"Okay, I'm pretty tired, I don't know what they gave me but I need to go back to sleep." Josh lay back down and immediately fell asleep, much to Sam's amusement.

"Sam let's go and eat while he's out." Abbey was in the doorway. "Donna will sit with him, don't worry."

Sam looked down at Josh, kissed him and reluctantly left the room. Once outside he was engulfed in a Donna hug. Once he had been released she went in to sit with Josh and Sam and Abbey made their way to the hospital cafeteria, agents leading the way.

"I want to thank you both for coming, you have no idea how much this means me." Sam toyed with the food in front of him

"We're happy to help. You boys have been through so much. Sam I want you to let Donna and I take some of the strain. I know you're not going to like this but after you eat I want you to get some real sleep. We'll be here with Josh, he won't be alone."

"I appreciate the offer but …"

"No buts I mean it Sam. You look tired and I bet you haven't been eating. I can see you're not eating at the moment." Abbey Bartlet looked pointedly at Sam's still nearly full plate. "Sam I'll be strong for you both so you can be strong for Josh. He really needs you but you have to take care of yourself. So go back to the hotel, get some sleep and come back first thing in the morning."

"I'm not sure I can leave him all night Mrs Bartlet." Sam's eyes betrayed his need to be with Josh. "He was taken away from me for so long."

"And you don't want to be apart for another night if you don't have to?"

Sam nodded.

"Okay so a deal, you eat now and then go and rest. Come back late tonight and I will make sure there is a cot in Josh's room so you can sleep alongside him. Deal?"

"Deal, thanks for understanding." Sam smiled and thought how lucky they were to have such amazing friends.

"Sam I have to go somewhere so we'll drop you off at the hotel. Donna's staying here until you get back. I promised to take her some coffee and a sandwich, so I'll go get that while you finish your food."

Josh was still sleeping when they got back to the room, Donna sat reading a book. "He was awake for a while but they gave him some more pills so he went off again."

"They gave him more pills? Was he okay?" Sam questioned urgently.

"Sam don't worry it's okay, _he's_ okay, the doctor prescribed them at regular intervals basically to keep him calm and sleepy. The nurse said sleep is the best thing for him at the moment." Donna reassured him, not feeling the need to share with him the way Josh had panicked waking in a strange place to find Sam gone, until he had realised that Donna was there.

"Thanks, I'm sorry if I snapped at you. It's been a long day."

"Not a problem, now go and get some rest and a shower. Josh will need to some toiletries and clean clothes for tomorrow." Donna kissed Sam on the cheek. "Now go, go."

"See you later." Sam turned and caught up with Mrs Bartlet who was arranging the cot with one of the nurses.

Sam fell onto the bed in their hotel room and lay staring up at the ceiling. Emotionally drained, it was not long before he fell asleep.

Abbey Bartlet was very busy over the next few hours. She had made several phone calls, used her influence to meet with Laurence Frost, Judge Peters and Defence Counsel, and had an assistant make some travel arrangements. All in all she had had a very productive time.

By the time Mrs Bartlet returned to take him back to the hospital Sam had slept, showered, changed and packed some things for him and Josh, and had even eaten again. He felt more confident than he had done for a while, which he attributed directly to the presence of Donna and the First Lady.

"I'm going to drop you off and take Donna back to the hotel for a rest. Tomorrow Donna's going to fly back to DC and you and Josh are coming to the farm with me."

"Ma'am, what about the court case?"

"It's all in hand Sam. Counsel and Judge Peters spoke to Stanley and the doctor that saw Josh in the hospital. It has been agreed, in principle, that he will be able to give evidence from the farm on a live feed next week. It's either that or the trial gets postponed until he can sit in court and take the stand, but no one knows when that will be.

Sam was astounded. "Wow, you did all that?"

"I had some help." Abbey replied modestly.

"Thank you, thank you so much." Sam's smile showed how happy he was at the thought of Josh being spared the stress of the courtroom.

The journey to the farm passed uneventfully, Josh was very quiet and held tightly to Sam's hand. Sam and Mrs Bartlet made small talk.

After lunch they sat in the living room drinking coffee. Sam noticed Josh looked more relaxed than he had since his return. He smiled at him and was rewarded with a full dimpled smile in return.

"Sam do you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure, I'd like that." Wearing jackets against the cold, the two men set off hand in hand watched by a smiling Abbey Bartlet until they disappeared from view.

After a while of just enjoying the peace and quiet, Sam wanted to make an observation. "You seem happier here, more relaxed."

"Yeah, it's peaceful and open. No crowds, no one asking me questions, not so much pressure" Josh dropped Sam's hand and turned to face his lover. "Sam I need to talk to you, I should have done it before but…" Josh shrugged and looked awkward.

"But what?" Sam took Josh's hand in his again.

"I was scared what you would say."

Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise at this admission. "Josh you never have to be scared of me. I love you."

"Yeah, I know," Josh sighed and visibly gathered his resolve to speak and let it all out in one breath. "Sam I'm really sorry but I don't want to work in the Whitehouse, or even in politics, hell I don't even want to live in the city, DC or in fact any city." He maintained eye contact with Sam throughout his short, rather fast, speech. "I'll understand if you…."

"Okay, then we won't." Sam cut him off.

They smiled stupidly at each other.

"Really?" Josh grinned.

"Really." Sam pulled Josh to him and sealed the deal with a kiss.

"Sam what about your job, your life?" Josh pulled away so he could see Sam's face.

"_You_ are my life. I can get a job in a law firm somewhere. I honestly don't see me being a farmer or anything like that, but we could live in the country and I could commute to the nearby town."

"You would do that, for me?" Josh could not stop grinning.

"I would do that for _us_." This time is was Josh who initiated the kiss.

"Josh can we go back now, it's freezing out here?" Sam mumbled into Josh's shoulder as they embraced.

Josh laughed, "Okay surfer boy, let's get you back into the warm before your thin Californian blood freezes!"

"Hey! I'm going to get you for that!" Sam laughed as Josh tried to get away from him.

Despite the cold he pushed Josh to the ground pinning him down. Josh wriggled underneath not trying very hard to get away. Looking directly into Josh's eyes just inches from his face he rubbed his already cold hand on the wet grass around them. He slowly slid his hand under Josh's jacket and then under his sweater and t-shirt. He knew he had found warm skin when Josh jerked so violently that Sam was thrown off him.

"Shit, that was cold!" Josh gasped.

Sam was lying next to him laughing; Josh rolled over and lay on top of him.

"Ha, now you're the one on the wet grass!"

"Oh yeah and what are you going to do about it?" Sam challenged, grinning.

"This." Josh claimed Sam's mouth with his, forcing him to open. He plundered the warm welcoming mouth of the man beneath him. Moans turned into groans as Josh moved slightly continuing the kiss but now erections touched albeit through their clothing. In no time Josh and Sam were writhing against each other desperate for more friction.

Breathless, eventually Josh pulled away. "I need to get you naked, but it's too cold here."

"We'll need a warm shower when we get back." Sam agreed.

Without another word they got up and made their way back to the house in record time. The sight of Abbey Bartlet in the hallway made them skid to a halt.

"Hey boys, you look flushed." She smiled knowingly. "You might want to hang those jackets as they appear to be damp and covered in grass."

Sam and Josh looked at each other, "Yes Ma'am." They said sheepishly in unison.

"See you later." Abbey walked off chuckling to herself.

Sam and Josh removed their jackets and hung them up as instructed. Then they ran upstairs as fast as they could, stripping as soon as they closed the bedroom door. An hour later they got out of the shower, an hour after that they made their way downstairs.

They found Abbey in the kitchen, "Nice shower?" Abbey loved to embarrass these two men she thought of as sons.

Although he blushed Josh managed to look at her, "Great thanks." He said grinning widely. Sam just coughed.

The next few days were relaxed. The boys had fun together, walking, talking, planning, playing around, and lots of sex. Monday brought thoughts of the trial and Josh's spirits dampened. He became quieter and more introspective, however appeared calm.

The beginning of the week was taken up with testimonies from medical professionals regarding amnesia. Some members of the right had suggested it was unbelievable that Josh would accept what Carlson had told him and furthermore stay where he was treated so badly. There was a rumour circulating that Josh had suffered a break from reality and had been sleeping rough. He then found his way to Carlson's and chose to live there. The fact that the defence was not saying this did not affect the rumour mill from working.

Laurence had lined up expert witnesses to testify that when in a vulnerable state anyone is open to suggestion and in the absence of any other input even a man as intelligent as Josh would succumb.

Laurence hoped that the experts would be able to convince the jury that Josh really had no choice but to remain with Carlson. He had feared for his life and had physical evidence that he had been injured before. Many people live in less than ideal family circumstances, sometimes abuse being the norm for them. Josh had no memory of his real family or life so accepted his situation and his position as subservient to his 'father'. The more the experts could explain the less time Josh would need to be giving more evidence.

Josh was scheduled to recommence his testimony on Tuesday afternoon. The video link had been established, tested and Josh had received some rules for use. He had spoken to Laurence on the phone the previous night and that morning. The focus of his evidence was going to be the discovery of his wallet and his subsequent actions.

Josh sat nervously fidgeting on the chair located in the Bartlet's living room. The camera and screen in front of him was preferable to being in the courtroom, however he still felt ill at ease. He caught Sam's eye, Sam winked and smiled, and Josh felt himself relaxing a little.

Once he was reminded that he was still under oath, the on-screen Laurence began.

"We have already heard testimony from Office Wilkins of Carytown Police Department that you arrived at the police station holding your driver's licence. Saying you thought you might be Joshua Lyman. Is that correct?"

Josh nodded, "Yes I did do and say that."

"Did Jack Carlson give you the licence?"

"No I found it."

"Where did you find it Josh?"

"Under a loose floorboard in his room?"

"Why were you looking in his room?"

"I wasn't looking. I just found it."

"What were you doing in his room?"

"He pushed me in there when some people came unexpectedly. He heard the car coming towards the house. We were inside and he grabbed me and pushed me in there."

"Why did he do that?"

"He said I had to get out of the way, to not be seen. His room was the nearest place. He told me not to make a sound or they would know I was there. They could be the people after me."

"Did you stay in the room?"

"I had no choice, he locked the door."

"What made you search his room? Did you think maybe he was lying to you? Were you starting to remember who you really are?" Laurence pushed.

"No I didn't plan to search his room. When he pushed me in I tripped and fell on the floor. I started to get up but my hand pushed down on something. I saw the board was broken and a part was very loose, as if it had been lifted regularly. I was curious. I lifted the wood and in the hole there was a small box. I took it out and underneath was a wallet."

"Did it look familiar?"

"it didn't look familiar, but it felt it when I picked it up. It was just a brown leather wallet but it felt comfortable in my hand. When I looked inside I saw it belonged to a Joshua Lyman."

"How did you know that?"

"There were credit cards in that name. I was really confused. There was something about that name, but I couldn't work out why it was familiar to me. It was like it was just on the tip of my tongue but when I tried to focus it eluded me. So I looked at more things."

"What did you find?" Laurence encouraged.

"Video rental card, some sort of pass with a metallic strip, and a driver's licence."

"That was the only photo ID?"

"Yes photo ID."

"What did you think when you saw the photo?"

"Actually I was even more confused, then as I started to understand I think I sort of went into shock. I sat back, I couldn't seem to catch my breath. My hands were shaking. I dropped the wallet and just stared at the licence. It had an address in Georgetown DC and I found I could picture it, the building. I pulled everything out of the wallet. Nothing else really helped, except I found a picture."

"What sort of picture?"

"Sorry a photo."

"Of you?"

"No it was Sam." Josh made eye contact with the gorgeous dark haired man across the room. "I knew his name, I seen him in my dreams."

"Sam Seaborn, your partner?"

"Yes, Sam Seaborn." Josh smiled slightly.

"What did you do then Josh?" Laurence tried to get him back on track.

"To be honest I didn't know what to do. I still wasn't sure it was me, that I was Joshua Lyman. If I had been mixed up with the people he said I was then maybe I could have used an alias at some point, but the name felt right. I started getting flashes of people and places. It took my breath away it just hit me all of a sudden. I decided to put everything except the licence and photo back where I had found it. I hid them in my sock."

"What did you do when Carlson let you out of the room?"

"I tried to act like nothing was different, but I was determined I was going to leave as soon as I could, even if it meant having to fight to get out."

"So you knew Carlson had lied to you?"

"Not one hundred percent, but enough to want to get the hell out of there and find out the truth."

"How did you get away?"

"It wasn't difficult really. I waited until he was asleep and broke out. It was dark and I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get away. I passed some gates I assumed led to other people's land, I didn't want to go to another house. I felt I could not trust anyone. I needed a cop, someone in authority."

"How long did it take you to find the town?"

"I'm not sure, several hours; by the time I got there I was cold, dirty and tired but very relieved. I went to the desk and showed the officer the driver's licence. I didn't know what to say so I just told him that I thought I was Joshua Lyman."

"Did you expect that to mean something to him? Did you know who Joshua Lyman was?"

"No, I thought maybe if I had been missing for two years someone might have, you know, actually _missed_ me. The images I had going round in my head were nice ones, faces were friendly. I hoped that maybe I had been reported missing."

"Thank you Josh, we have already heard testimony of the events that followed. I have no further questions."

Judge Peters called a recess until the following morning the camera turned off and Josh stood to immediately be enveloped in a pair of strong male arms.

"You did great babe, I'm so proud of you." Sam pulled away slightly leaning back in to give Josh a lingering kiss on his lips.

They were interrupted by a phone call from Laurence Frost. He wanted to get a jump on preparing Josh for the defence's cross-examination tomorrow. Tony Jackson, a member of Laurence's team was staying at the farm to help Josh. Abbey sent him, along with Sam and Josh, to take the call in Jed's study where they could discuss things in private and hear Laurence on the speakerphone.

"Laurence, do you really think they are going to get that much mileage out of the PTSD?" Sam had been taken aback when Laurence told them they would make Josh's PTSD a main issue.

"I think they are going to try Sam, and if you thought about it objectively as a lawyer you know you would do the same in their position. The only way he can get away with the charge of Criminal Confinement is to get the jury to believe he was helping Josh and that he was not coerced to stay. They know it's a long shot, but they will try to make the jury think that Josh was somehow delusional and Carlson saved him. No kidnapping, no coercion, and no restraint."

Josh sat quietly staring off into space. Sam and Tony were not even sure he was listening to the conversation, until he suddenly spoke, his voice quiet. "How do I prove I wasn't delusional?"

Sam and Tony both stared at him in amazement.

"Did he just say what I thought he said?" Laurence's voice demanded from the phone on the desk.

Ignoring Laurence, Sam knelt down in front of Josh. "Josh, what do you mean babe?"

"How do I prove it? I do not see how I can possibly prove I wasn't having an episode." Josh spoke to Sam but his voice was nearer to normal so Laurence could hear clearly.

"Josh just answer the questions you are asked. No more, no less. You _know _what an episode feels like. You have to get that across to the jury."

"It didn't feel like a PTSD episode. I just couldn't remember anything. It wasn't the same." Josh confirmed with more conviction in his voice.

"Right then. You guys take a break until tomorrow and leave Tony and me to sort out some details."

Sam took Josh's hand and pulled him up. "Come on babe."

"Bye Laurence."

xXxXxXxX

"I hope you are feeling better after your episode last week Mr Lyman." Phillip Rosser, Counsel for the Defence, veiled his reference to Josh's mental state with this seemingly concerned enquiry regarding his health. Sam could be heard snorting off camera.

"I'm fine thank you." Josh was not rattled.

"I'm glad we were able to meet you needs so the trial could continue."

"Are you going to ask Mr Lyman a question soon Mr Rosser?" Judge Peters queried.

"Sorry You Honour. "Mr Lyman, why did you stay with Jack Carlson for two years?"

"I thought he was my father. I thought I was home. I thought I was safe there."

"So you felt safe there?"

"Not all the time, no."

"You expect us to believe that you stayed even though you didn't feel entirely safe?"

"He hurt me, but I thought that was my life, my family. I believed him when he told me people were trying to kill me. I had scars to prove it."

"Mr Lyman you worked as Deputy Chief of Staff in the Whitehouse?"

"Yes."

"A very responsible position held by a very intelligent man. Don't you think?"

"I suppose."

"Surely a man holding that position would not believe himself to be a crack addict on the run from a gang of drug dealers."

"Was that a question Mr Rosser?" Laurence interjected before Josh could respond.

"Rephrase Mr Rosser."

"Yes Your Honour. Would you ever have believed that a man holding such a position would have believed that, Mr Lyman?"

"To be honest it is not something I ever thought about when I held that position so I can't really answer the question, because I really don't know." Josh caught Sam smiling at him from across the room and only just managed to suppress his own smile.

"Mr Lyman if you have no memory of the night you crashed you car, how do you know that Mr Carlson did not rescue you like a Good Samaritan?"

"I have no idea why he pulled me out of the car. I do know that he repeatedly lied to me and denied me hospital treatment." There was an edge to Josh's voice as he spoke.

"We only have your word for that Mr Lyman." Rosser commented.

"It's the truth!" Josh was starting to feel angry. He didn't know what to do. He clenched his fists, closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing. He felt something hit his leg, looking down he saw a paper airplane, he looked up and his eyes met the deep blue of Sam's. He instantly felt himself calm.

"Mr Lyman are you alright?" Judge Peters' voice conveyed his obvious concern

"Yes Your Honour, I'm fine."

"Mr Lyman, what is the name of the psychiatric disorder you have?"

"I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD."

"A condition where the person experiences delusions, extreme mood swings, and can be violent towards themselves and others. Have you ever harmed yourself during a PTSD episode?"

"Once, before it was diagnosed." Josh confirmed.

"Were you having a delusion?"

"No."

"So you harmed yourself on purpose?"

"No. I didn't mean to."

"Then why did you harm yourself Mr Lyman?" Rosser pressed.

"Your Honour I don't see how this is relevant to the events of the last two years?" Laurence protested.

"I will allow Mr Rosser to run with this for a while longer." Judge Peters ruled. "Answer the question please Mr Lyman."

"I was reliving the shooting over and over and I wanted it to stop. I put my hand through my apartment window."

"You were reliving the shooting at Rosslyn?"

"Yes."

"So you believed you were being shot?"

"Not actually being shot, just reliving the feeling of being shot."

"Sounds that were happening at the time as well?"

"Yes I heard the sirens."

"So would you call that an auditory hallucination or a delusion Mr Lyman?"

"I don't know what it's called. Hallucination I suppose."

"Mr Lyman, were you aware of what was really going on around you at that time and during subsequent episodes?"

"Not really no." Josh looked down.

"So would you say you are delusional during an episode?"

"Your Honour, Mr Lyman is not medically trained I really do not see how he can answer that question." Laurence insisted.

"Mr Rosser I agree with Counsel please withdraw the question."

"Yes Your Honour."

"Mr Lyman did you have an episode during your time with Jack Carlson?"

"No." Josh looked defiantly in to the camera.

"How can you be so positive if, by your own admission, you are unaware of what is going around you when you have an episode?"

"I know what it feels like to have a PTSD episode. I did not have one."

"Mr Lyman, how can we be sure that the knife wounds on your body are not self inflicted?"

"I did not harm myself, he cut me. I only did that the one time, before I was diagnosed. I didn't know what was happening to me I couldn't stop it. I know better now."

The questioning continued for four more hours, Rosser always trying to rattle Josh. He even asked him how he could so easily replace his own father. Josh struggled through but managed to keep calm with the silent support of Sam.

When it was over Josh ran to the bathroom and vomited. Sam helped his drained lover to bed where Abbey Bartlet gave Josh a shot to help with the nausea and send him to sleep.

xx

Josh ignored the rest of the trial, preferring to spend time out on the farm. He got into the habit of waking early and helping Ned, the Bartlet's Farm Manager, look after the land and animals.

Sam would usually join Josh late morning after having watched the news and surfed the net to find out what was happening in the courtroom. Carlson was giving his evidence and Sam found himself fascinated by this man who had taken Josh from him. The more lies he told about Josh the deeper the hate Sam felt towards him. Carlson told the jury that Josh had not escaped in the night but that he had thrown Josh out, after Josh had gone into a rage when Carlson had tried to convince him he was delusional and he was not Joe Carlson.

Carlson said Josh believed he was his father and would not listen to reason. He maintained Josh was conscious when he found him in the overturned car and begged him to take him away from DC. He said Josh was sobbing and although he could see he was injured he went along with Josh's refusal to go to hospital. Carlson therefore had no choice but to take him home with him. Carlson was concerned for Josh's safety and decided to look after him. He told the court that he had not realised the extent of Josh's mental breakdown until he was well on the way to recovering from his physical injuries and Josh still maintained the delusion that he was Joe Carlson.

Sam felt sick as he read Carlson explaining Josh's injuries as self inflicted. He told the jury that he had to physically restrain Josh in the basement on several occasions to stop him hurting himself further. He had to wrestle a knife out of Josh's hands at least ten times, but a few times Josh had already cut himself.

Carlson said he was sorry, he now knew he should have gone against Josh's wishes and taken him to a hospital. He thought he was doing the right thing. He thought he could help Josh.

When asked why he had hidden Josh's wallet he explained that he put it there for safe keeping. He was going to return it when Josh was better.

xx

Sam shut off the computer. There was nothing else to be done now; the jury would decide who to believe. He closed his eyes and leaned forward on the table resting on his arms. He was a little startled when he felt lips on the back of his neck and then strong arms around him.

"Are you okay?" Josh whispered in his ear.

Sam couldn't speak so he shook his head, before he knew it he was being pulled up against Josh and held tightly as he let himself cry into his lover's shoulder.

"Okay, okay, let it out. I'm here, I'm here. Ssshhh." Josh caressed Sam's back and neck with his hand. "Let's take this to the couch." Josh steered them over to the couch keeping a hold on Sam, once seated he waited for Sam to calm before pulling away so he could look into his face.

"You were reading about the trial?"

Sam nodded, "Josh the things he has been saying about you. It's awful. I…I want to kill the motherfucker!" Sam pushed himself away from Josh, stood and suddenly crossed the room picked up his laptop and viciously threw it against the wall. He remained standing breathing heavily staring at the broken computer.

Josh was so shocked by Sam's actions at first he did not react. He looked from the pieces on the floor to Sam and back again, finally focussing on Sam.

"Sam?" He said softly as he walked to him, careful not to startle him.

Sam did not look at him. He tried again; close enough to touch him now. "Sam?" Josh tentatively reached out to touch Sam's arm not sure whether Sam would pull away. When Sam did not move he moved in closer and took him back into his arms.

"Sam you can't let his lies get to you. It's all over. I don't care what he says about me. You are all that matters to me. Please don't let this hate eat you into you. You're better than that. If you let him in it will destroy you and ultimately it will destroy us. I couldn't bear to lose you. Please Sam I've lost so much. Please?"

"I love you Josh. I won't let this get between us, but what if the jury believe him? What will happen then?"

"I really don't care. I really don't. I have you that's all I care about. You have to believe me." Josh kissed Sam's temple.

"I do, but he has to be punished Josh. He took you away from me for two years. Two years we lost because of him. He has to be punished." Sam pulled away and turned to find himself face to face with President Bartlet.

xx

"Sir, I'm sorry I didn't know you were there, here, home." Sam blushed at his inability to articulate.

"Sit down guys."

Sam and Josh sat on the couch opposite the chair where Jed Bartlet had settled. Abbey arrived carrying a tray of coffee with Leo, Toby, CJ and Donna trailing behind. They settled themselves silently with Donna taking the seat next to Sam on the couch. CJ, Toby and Abbey settled on the other couch and Leo took the remaining chair. Nobody mentioned the remains of Sam's laptop on the floor.

Sam and Josh exchanged confused looks and held each other's hand tightly.

"So now we are all here we can begin." President Bartlet's eyes took in the entire group.

"Begin what, Sir?" Josh asked warily. He was still concerned about Sam's behaviour earlier and really wanted to be alone to discuss it with him.

"The beginning of your new life, son." Leo replied cryptically.

"Firstly the jury has returned and Carlson has been found guilty on all charges." Jed Bartlet informed his audience.

"Guilty? That's great, that's the best news." Sam came alive at the announcement. "Josh did you hear that, he's going away?" Sam turned to Josh grasping both his hands and looking directly into his eyes.

"Yeah I heard it Sam."

"Aren't you happy babe?"

"I told you I really don't care about him. It makes you happy so it makes me happy to see you happy."

"You don't want him to be punished Josh?" Toby enquired somewhat disbelievingly.

"It's not that exactly. I just don't want to think about him at all. I really don't. I just want to put it behind me and get on with my life." Josh tried to explain.

There were nods of understanding around the room.

xx

The conversation moved on to what was going to be said to the press and whether Sam and Josh would be returning to the Whitehouse. They decided now would be a good time to share their plans for the future.

Sam and Josh stayed through Christmas with the Bartlets and their best friends. In January 2006 they left New Hampshire to set up home together outside the town of Mayford.

xXxXxXxXx

Sam set up his own legal practice specialising in helping the little guy fight the big corporates. He charged minimal fees just enough to cover his costs. He had a healthy trust fund and an extremely wealthy boyfriend.

Josh never returned to politics. He bought a farm, where they lived, and spent his days with livestock and small crops.

They loved their life together, enjoying their respective work, relaxing, playing, making love and just generally feeling fulfilled. Visitors from DC could not believe how content their friends were. Everyone left Sam and Josh's farm with a smile, a sense of peace, along with fresh eggs and vegetables.

The End

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